12 Years of Transformation: My move to Italy confirmed it all
Here is my core practice to never feel alone again, no matter what life throws at you
When I spontaneously moved to a tiny Italian village with only 60 houses and more dogs than people, many people around me informed me of the challenges: the language barrier, rural life, and adapting to solitude. The language barrier, absolutely! But what I didn’t expect was how this move would affirm years of inner transformation.
I don’t speak enough Italian to discuss the weather, let alone the depths of personal growth or spirituality. My “conversations” with neighbors mostly involve smiles, waves, and the occasional enthusiastic nod. Yet, despite this silence, I’ve never felt more welcomed— or more connected.
Because here’s the thing: no matter where we go, we bring ourselves. The years of deep inner work I’d done to cultivate self-awareness, heal from loneliness, and connect with my heart prepared me for this exact moment. Moving to this village wasn’t the start of my journey—it was the confirmation of everything I’d already integrated.
I used to think I needed external validation to feel whole: a buzzing city life, always something to keep me busy, great social life and achievements to keep me grounded. But as I sit here, surrounded by rolling hills and the kind of silence that could terrify a pre-2012 version of me, I realize just how far I’ve come.
In 2012 a deep dive I started a deep dive into my personal transformation after a profound awakening experience which was followed by an insatiable curiousity to learn more about ‘how to live a liberated and authentic life on earth’. It was so much more than a spiritual journey. I deepened my knowledge on any subject that triggered my curiosity, and that were many! From epigenetics, to methaphysics, to the secrets of water, to the powerstructures of our hierarchal systems, to political dynamics, to financial systems, to new healing methods and perspectives, and of course, a variation of spiritual teachings.
Is all this knowledge and transformation needed to create inner peace, and never feel lonely again?
Yes and no. What I learned over the years gave me deep understanding about myself, the crazy world we live in and the theory of the Self/I am/the consciousness we are… however you name it.
Great, but knowing is not enough. We need to embody what we read and learn. Whether we are aware of it or not, we all struggle with an inner feeling of loneliness. That is why we seek confirmation outside of ourselves. It doesn’t matter what that is: text messages, job achievements, snacks, new ideas, intimate relationship, Netflix, or social media. It all gives us only temporarily solace. Most of us, and I certainly did, live life on the basis of outside impulses. And 99% of our beliefs are an outside impulse as well!
I don’t think I’m sharing anything new here. Most of us know that but few of us dare to acknowledge it, let alone heal it. A pity, because the solution is perhaps not easy, but the practice is simple and for everyone!
Limiting ourselves from the outer input and distraction, is not the solution, and not realistic either. That would be the same as following a strict diet to lose weight and never see the food you like so much. It works for a while, until it doesn’t… right?
What is needed to fill and heal that void within us that gives this lonely feeling? First thing is to recognize that uncomfortable feeling we are trying to ignore and a-void. The next time you grab for your phone, or a snack to distract you, ‘feel’ 3-5 seconds backwards. =======
To me, this emptiness we feel inside, is the root cause of all forms of addiction and our need to be entertained, distracted, seeking for relationships and needing to be confirmed by outer things or persons in our existence.
I learned and experienced that this void is the lack of being connected within, with the Self. No matter how much trauma work we do, if we don’t manage to have this inner connection, we keep living in our mind and we seek a saviour outside ourselves.
Mindfullness is great as you learn to live in the moment with full attention, but it is taught from the mind and not from the heart. It is heart-fullness we seek. That gives you the deep undisturbed inner solidness and trust. And the bonus is, you will have amazingly clear and creative thinking as well.
My inner work had started with learning and reading, but in 2017 it was time to embody what I learned: being connected and anchored in my heart and solar plexus and stop the dominating chatter or rationalizing mind controlling my emotional state. How did I train that?
For 3-4 weeks straight, I repeated the same process daily. It really is like opening a new connection. I was so used to live in my mind that it was really tough to make any other connection inside of me. In the beginning I hadn’t even any idea what to expect or what to look for.
The process in steps:
- Take some deep breaths to relax into your body, especially in the beginning. Later you can do these steps while you do little tasks.
- Notice my thoughts. Not what am I thinking, but are there thoughts? The moment I was in this observer mode, my thoughts disappeared. In the beginning it didn’t last long as I was very soon caught up in the thinking again. Over time it went better. The objective is to get into the present moment.
Ø Thoughts live a life on their own. They are suddenly there and they take you over. It is a bit different from actively using our right or left brain: doing math, write a blog, finding a solution. However, either way you are not fully present in the moment from your heart.
- Once my mind or brain was less dominant I felt (sensed) into the area of my heart, in my body, at the center of my chest (not at the left side). Do I sense anything? What am I expecting? How does it feel? I had no idea either but I kept ‘sensing’ and waiting.
- Of course, the mind came back in full force, again and again I repeated the process, around an hour a day fully focussed. Often I was left very frustrated with the absence of any result.
- The rest of the day I tried to do the same as often as I reminded myself, while I was doing things that don’t require much thinking, like cleaning or walking.
- For days, even weeks, nothing happened around my heart center.
- The main challenge was, not to give into the story of ‘I am not born to have this spiritual alignment’. Because that was how I labelled this ‘skill’. Mind you, my awakening experience in 2012, had me fully ascended in the Love frequency for 3 months. However, during that period I never registered what happened within my body, how that felt, how this Love (yes, with a capital L) feels like.
- And then, after weeks of training, suddenly it was there. Very clearly. A vibrating sensation in the center of my chest that could easily expand beyond my physical body, or I could bring it very focussed to an area of my body like the solar plexus (behind your navel).
- The first time it was short-lived. I wanted to hold onto the sensation, which made me push it away. The mind was running the show again: wanting to control this new felt sense.
- So I continued with the practice and over a period of 6 months it became easier and easier.
- Once the inner connection was evidently there, I started to experiment with it. Making the inner sensation larger, even larger than my physical body. Next was becoming fully present in the whole room I was in, the full volume.
- The other thing I learned later is to integrate the left and right brain in this alignment:
Ø Hemisphere coherence: Hemisphere coherence is crucial for optimal brain function, as it ensures smooth communication and collaboration between the left and right sides of the brain. This balance allows us to combine logical, analytical thinking with creativity and holistic understanding, enhancing problem-solving, emotional regulation, and decision-making. When coherence is high, the brain operates as a unified whole, promoting mental clarity, adaptability, and improved cognitive performance. Conversely, disruptions in this harmony can lead to fragmented thinking or difficulty integrating emotions and logic.
Connect this with the heart and I believe we have the solid basis to live from within.
Meanwhile, my life went on. Many changes happened for me personally. I divorced, moved 3 times, and struggled with my business (see one of my other blogs). Having found this inner alignment doesn’t mean that life doesn’t throw some challenges at you. However, having the ability to go into my natural state of inner alignment gave me an immense inner strength, trust and solidness. Not 24/7, not when I feel triggered, but over the past 7 years, it gradually has become stronger and stronger and I would say, there are many more hours during the day where I am in alignment than not. And, it is the first thing to go back to when I feel restless or triggered.
And that to me is the foundation for feeling complete and never alone, no matter what happens. It gives me a deep trust in life that all my challenges are there for a good reason. Not to annoy me, but for the fun of exploring. Fun? Yes, but that awareness came much later and is for another blog.
Since I moved to Italy in 2023, it feels as if 12 years of deep inner work has come full circle.
The area, the hills, the earth where my house is placed has a very special supporting energy. It is a lot easier to connect and feel grounded here than it is in the city or in busy areas. Here I experience that being grounded by nature strengthens the heart-mind coherence. An excellent place to build a business sanctuary.
Is that why I moved here? Is that why the word ‘sanctuary’ came through so clearly when I walked on the land for the very first time? Honestly, I am still curious myself how this will unfold. I don’t feel the need to plan, organize and push. It will show itself.
Follow along in this blog to read about my weekly updates, surprises, joy, fun facts and challenges as I navigate this unexpected project build